On Mothers, Weddings and Refunds

Sandmonkey is having a good day -- blogwise, that is, not with his mother who is insisting on finding him a wife. He objects to the culture of arranged marriages and answers by twisting her around. After she has agreed that the total cost of the wedding will be around LE 500,000, the stage is ready for attack:

Me: Now, find me a girl in Egypt worth half a million Egyptian pounds and I will marry her today.
Mom (flustered): You can’t calculate it like this! ...
Me: Actually, ... that’s the only way it could be calculated. ... If you are in love, ... You would view all that dowry and jewelry crap to be nothing but obstacles in your way, not a down payment on an investment the way someone in my situation would. ...
Me: ... I have a condition. ... I want her to know exactly how much money I am paying for her!
Mom: What? ...
Me: Well, because If I am paying this much money for her, she better do everything I ask of her to do. She better obey my every order, cater to my every whim, no matter how ridiculous they are. For example: If I ask her to clean the house wearing a French maid outfit-with no panties- and roller blades while humming “The wheels of the Bus go round and round”, I expect her to start doing exactly that immediately.
Mom: The wheels of the Bus go round and round?
Me: Yes. She better sing that while being dressed this way or else I am going to return her to her parents and demand a refund!