Top 72: Virgins, Skinheads or Raisins?

He is a laugh. You've got to love this Saudi blogger for sharing his thoughts about the notion of 72 virgins in heaven. "We are not great on self-criticism, he says," and mentions a few examples of television shows that caused outrage in his home country. One portrayed the Talibans in a negative light. Outrage! But how do you portray them positively? Another show tells the story of Arabs living in residential compounds in Saudi Arabia and their problem with the local hood: militant Islamists who want to blow them up so they can collect their rewards in heaven — 72 beautiful virgins.

The Religious Policeman’s interest in the 72 maidens began when he was a spotty adolescent. He has been looking for the right pages in the Quran ever since. By the time he started his quest, it was perhaps the closest one could get to pornography in the KSA. He never found it, because it is not in the Quran. It is in a Hadith – a witness report of what Mohammed said. “Bush's reported comments... God would tell me, George, go and fight those terrorists in Afghanistan. And I did...” is also a Hadith. His theological speculations continue:

Firstly, are there 72 virgins for each male, or 72 virgins, period? ...There [are] an awful lot of men in Paradise and the number is rising.... if there are only 72 to go round everyone, then we're going to need some sort of queuing system... and we all take a numbered ticket, and wait in line. Our ticket says 18 billion and something, and the display says 3 billion and change, but not to worry, we've got eternity to play with.

But is it the other way around: 72 virgins for every male? “They all have their needs and desires, both emotional and physical. So how are you going to satisfy them? ... Let's say you spend a night with each? ... Ever kept your "significant other" waiting just 20 minutes?”

Now, this Religious Policeman never really believed in the virgins. “Do you expect... God is going to reward a terrorist bomber with some sort of sexual Disneyworld? “ Perhaps the description was wrong and it is instead “72 ex-convicts, just released after doing hard time for... sex and violence offenses. ...As our Jihadi is their only available option, they are going to make do with what they've got. ...Don't necessarily assume that it'll be ‘one at a time.’”